Olympic plans:

• Only tune in for basketball, softball, beach volleyball, and tennis.
• Turn off television when U.S. atheletes are not present.
• Purchase, or at least seriously consider, all products advertized.
• Complain regularly that not all signs at the Olympics are in English.
• Shout out "Yeah, you're the man!" whenever president Bush and his lovely wife Laura are shown in the stands.

That should do it.

VIEWING TIP: Check the Internet for early results (NBC is on tape delay). Then, only watch the events where Americans* win. USA! USA!

UPDATE: That Bob Costas fellow is saying lots of nice things about athletes from other countries. Homeland Security should confiscate his laptop when he returns.

* because the Unites States is superior to all nations, it owns the adjective "Americans" even though technically, "America" is a word that refers to two continents.


posted by Quiddity at 8/09/2008 05:58:00 AM