Our Iraq solution:Here's the plan -
- Withdraw troops from Iraq as soon as logistically possible. - That will meet with approval by most Americans.
- Install Ahmed Chalabi as head of the Iraqi government. - Something the PNAC / AEI / Weekly Standard crowd would love to see.
- Pay Haliburton $30 billion to facilitate the transition. - To get Cheney & Co. on board.
- Give Fox News Channel, Limbaugh, and Open Source Media* exclusive rights for covering the glorious withdrawal. - That way, the right-wing media will paint a positive picture (and get big ratings).
- Have top fashion designers create a fabulous new military outfit for the president to wear throughout this process. - In order to satisfy Bush's uniform fetish.
- Send Judy Miller and Bob Woodward to a secret CIA detention facility. - So that we can determine, once and for all, just how effective torture is in extracting information from determined secret-holders. This has nothing to do with an Iraq withdrawal; it's just a crowd-pleaser.
- $100 million to Jack Abramoff. - To organize a never-ending series of golfing trips to Scotland and the Marianas, keeping the Republicans away from the House and Senate (and media) until after the '06 elections.
- Presidential Medals of Freedom for everybody! - With the proviso that recipients take the Tenet Pledge (to remain silent about all Iraq-related decisions). That should eliminate any remaining opposition.
- Put Karen Hughes in charge of a new public awareness campaign. - Slogan: Retreating with Respectability.
* - or whatever they're calling themselves now.
posted by Quiddity at 11/21/2005 07:28:00 AM 
