Saturday, November 30, 2002
Amazing scientific news:  | This Saturday, scientists at the Max Planck Institute startled the world with the announcement of the discovery of a new element - lighter than Hydrogen - which they have given the provisional name of Kurtzonium.
Senior chemist and devoted CNN-watcher, Dr. Helmut Wirsing, said today that after watching Howard Kurtz' "extremely lightweight" interview of Rush Limbaugh on Reliable Sources, "There now can no longer be any doubt. Previously, we thought the lightest entity would be found in Hollywood. Something like a profile of Jennifer Lopez or a review of her latest movie. But in the face of what we saw tonight, we have to completely reassess our fundamental principles. This Kurtzonium is incredibly evanescent. Limbaugh wasn't affected at all - even down to the quantum level. What many expected to be a show-down between Limbaugh and his critics, turned out to be nothing more than a forum for Rush to pontificate. It's almost like Kurtz wasn't in the room. We need to investigate this further."
While the lightness of Kurtz caught most chemists attention, others detected a whiff of cloying sycophancy throughout the program. "Some people like that sort of thing", said researcher Dr. Walter Frese, "but to me, it stinks to high heaven." |
posted by Quiddity at 11/30/2002 08:04:00 PM
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